Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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