Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
