escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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