Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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