Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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