every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
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Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
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Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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