those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
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All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
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