is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Randomize
