My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
So squirting runs in the family.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
