She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Oh god it's open bar.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
