You're so nebulous sometimes
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
