yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize