once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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