Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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