At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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