a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
