we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
