Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
