Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
