My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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