absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
