Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
