i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
