My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
