Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
