She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
