So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
