Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
