Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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