i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
