You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window