Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.