the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
This is the high leading the old right now
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
