I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.