Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died