lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
