I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
