youre lurking in front of me
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
