please come you make the beer taste better
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
