i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
