Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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