can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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