McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
