i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
