So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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