I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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