I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
