Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
