Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
