you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize