Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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