Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize