There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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