people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
