i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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