you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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