i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
