Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
