my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.