my computer doesn't work...
i puked on it last night
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.