I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.