when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
