goodnight i made you a song goodbye
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
