Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
