I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
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She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize