I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I AM VODKA MAN
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Randomize
