Your mouth is God's brothel.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
