His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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