bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
