Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
