I must be too annoying 4 u.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
