Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
apparently the secret to your success is patron
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You pole danced in your parka.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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