The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She told me I should be a condom model.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
