Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
