I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize