guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i came on her dog
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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