Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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