Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
