We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
