i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
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