Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
