Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
